IC contact post;

[caincarnate]

COMP phone/e-mail "If this is an IT matter, send me a detailed email and your request will be added to the queue. Otherwise, be brief. Don't waste my time unless this is important." office hours between 10:00 to 17:00

Comments

that managed to be adorable....... how

[caincarnate]

I give you my word.

[You can trust this face.]

i don't know

[testgasm]

[A PAUSE

for consideration

and then--]

Let's get it over with, then. I've got--there's a port behind me, here, you might have to--I'll probably need to unplug from this body for you to get at it.

[Because he only has one plug.]

[caincarnate]

[Naoya stood up and walked over to Wheatley's side of the table. He looked over the port that joined the robot's head to the rest of his body - removing it seemed like a fairly simple maneuver. Out of courtesy, he muttered:] Excuse me.

[And then placed his hands on Wheatley's core body. It disengaged without trouble, and Naoya found himself with a disembodied head. He turned it over in his hands, studying the shape of this port.]

[testgasm]

[Wheatley, being a robot and therefore accustomed to humans poking and prodding him, complied, squeezing his shutters closed and Naoya detached him.]

Yeah, that's, ah--that's the only port I've got, so, uh. Hopefully you have some sort of--sort of cable. That's. Compatible.

[caincarnate]

[Naoya closed his eyes, searching through his memory for the cables they had in stock.]

Yes, yes. There's quite a few Aperture compatible cables left over.

This might take some time. I suggest you shut down for the duration.

[testgasm]

[WELL that's good, at least. At the mention of shutting down, however, Wheatley resumes looking incredibly nervous.]

Right, okay, I can--I can do that, but you do--you did promise me that you won't go poking around in my programming while I'm out, right? And you will--you will turn me back on. When. You're done.

[caincarnate]

[Delicious anxiety. How very delightful.]

This would all be rather pointless if I didn't turn you back on!

I hope once this is all over and done with, you'll at least learn to trust me a little more, Wheatley.

[testgasm]

Well--

[If Wheatley weren't so ANXIOUS, he might tell Naoya that usually when humans turned him off, they didn't turn him back on for a very long time and that maybe he is a little scared of that happening again.

He squeezes his shutters closed and tries to think of ULTIMATE POWER.]

Nevermind. Here I--Here I go.

[AND HE DOES IT. The blue optic goes dim and the inner machinations stop machinating. Wheatley has Shut Himself Off.]

[caincarnate]

[Once the subtle hum of machinery went silent, Naoya chuckled to himself and left to locate the appropriate cables. There was much work to be done, and seeds to be planted. What they would grow into, he didn't know - but that made it so much more enticing, and the inevitable fruit all the sweeter.

It was late into the night when Wheatley was turned back on again - late enough that it might as well have been morning. Tired as the programmer was, he wanted to see this through.]

Rise and shine, Wheatley.

[testgasm]

[Despite clearly remembering powering off for Naoya, Wheatley's first instinct upon rebooting was usually one of slight discomfort. Who knew what kinds of things had happened since he turned off??]

Oh, god, what--what year is it?

[caincarnate]

[Naoya had to laugh. But maybe that was also a bit of the fatigue talking.] 2014, right where you left it.

How do you feel?

[testgasm]

Oh! Oh, good.

[Blink blink.]

Feeling, ah. Pretty--pretty good, actually. Same as ever. What's the program you installed, I'll--I'll pull it up.

[caincarnate]

Good, good.

What you want to do is connect to the Laplace server. The runtime should begin automatically once you do.

[testgasm]

Er, right. Here I--here I go--

[He appears to search for a moment, but then apparently makes some kind of connection.]

Ah! There we are. Now what?

oh no it's been almost a month. I have dropped the naoya ball so hard.

[caincarnate]

Now? You're ready to begin.

[The start up began to run immediately. Like another voice in his head, a separate train of thought, information began feeding into him in the form of a very polite email.

Good morning. Here is today's NEWS.

➀ At 12:30, a small explosion will occur in the student kitchen. The smell of burnt popcorn will persist for approximately 5 hours.

➁ Someone will attempt to infiltrate the forbidden wing of the library around 16:00.

➂ Rave music will be broadcast across the school at midnight.

Have a nice day.]

i forgive you

[testgasm]

[Wheatley is uncharacteristically silent as he processes this new voice--he's no stranger to things like it, after all, but not all of his associations with that kind of thing are good. It takes him a moment to realize that no, this new voice is not here to degrade him or slowly drive him crazy. This new voice is offering potentially valuable information.]

Is this--is it telling me things that will happen?

[Because that. Is very valuable indeed.]

[caincarnate]

That's right - as I promised.

[And Naoya made it a point of pride to always deliver on his promises. Perhaps it was enough to inspire a bit more trust, hmm? Looking satisfied with himself, he picked up the core and walked it back over to the chasis still sitting at the opposite end of the table.]

The more data you gather, the more accurate the forecast will be. Even something as simple as your day-to-day interactions should yield good results.

[Back onto your body you go, Wheatley.]

What you do with this knowledge, I leave entirely in your hands. Use it to its greatest potential.

[testgasm]

[Once he's back in his body, he wastes no time in standing up. Were he wearing pants, he would have certainly dusted them off.

This is all very peculiar indeed.]

Do you want--should I report back to you at specific intervals, or...?

[caincarnate]

[That got a hearty chuckle out of Naoya.]

Do I look like your boss? This is a gift, Wheatley. I don't expect anything in return for it.

Besides, it's not necessary. I have direct access to the Laplace server already, which saves us both time from having to sit through your reports. If you want to come to me, I'd rather it be as a friend.

[The programmer sat back down and slid the glasses off his face.]

There's one more gift I've left you with. Just a little something I thought might come in handy.

[testgasm]

Well, uh...

[Maybe it's better if he doesn't answer that question. There's something more important to turn his attention to, after all, and that is gifts. Wheatley loves gifts.]

What sort of gift?

[caincarnate]

An extension I call the Skill Crack function.

If you can defeat those who stand in the way of your quest for knowledge and power, it'll allow you to automatically learn one of their abilities. Power begets power, you see - the more you have, the easier it'll be to obtain.

I'm sure you'll find a use for it. After all, there are many who might find a machine like yourself threatening... I wouldn't want to see you end up in pieces after all the effort I went to upgrading you.

[testgasm]

[Yes. Yes all of this sounds very good to Wheatley. He nods along, not quite understanding, but getting the gist of it.

He was so ready to defeat everyone.]

Right, yes. I'll--I'll do my best.